WHAT IS JOHN AND KYLE?
JOHN AND KYLE DO EVERYTHING
John and Kyle Do Everything is a goofy half-hour comedy about two best friends, John and Kyle, who have a giant list of everything to do in the world and try to cross off one more thing every day.
John and Kyle’s friendship is like one brain split between two people– they’re very close, and they each have half a brain. Despite logic, reason, and the efforts of their tyrannical landlord Candice, these guys constantly fail upwards in their idealistic quest to do every single thing. Maybe it’s the help of their friend Megan, the aspiring inventor who lives next door. Maybe it’s sheer dumb luck. There’s only two certainties with John and Kyle: they’re going to do everything, and somehow, it will ALWAYS fuck over their douchey roommate, Mark.
There are as many potential episodes as there are things to do in the world. Start a dance craze? Run for mayor? Catch a predator? From buddy comedy to genre parody, this formula and these characters allow us to make 22 minutes of anything and everything.
JOHN is the fearless leader of our dynamic duo. He’s a genuine and optimistic guy, which unfortunately leads him to be extremely naive. His childlike wonder motivates him to do anything and everything without ever considering the real world implications, but his stupid amount of determination somehow makes it all work out in the end (at least for him). You may not know it from how often he flat out fucks over his roommate Mark, but John honestly has the best intentions at heart. If you want a testament to his character, look no further than how much he cares about his best friend Kyle.
KYLE is the David Spade of this childish Farley/Spade tag team. Compared to John’s charismatic and happy-go-lucky attitude, Kyle is quieter and more sarcastic. He’s always skeptical, but still childishly innocent. Until the two met, Kyle never really had any friends— and like a rescued stray puppy, he has clung tightly to John ever since. John is the one person who can force him to leave his comfort zone, and as the “logical” thinker of the two, Kyle is the one person who can pull John back when he’s being too crazy. They truly are the yin to each other’s yang.
MEGAN is what you get if you put Mark Zuckerberg and Aubrey Plaza in a blender: she’s brilliant, and will either roll her eyes at you or destroy you. Unlike her neighbors John and Kyle, who do not obey logic or reason, Megan has one foot in reality and one foot outside. This duality is what keeps her working at a local hardware store while dreaming of being a prolific inventor— but it’s also what allows her to befriend John and Kyle despite being a functioning human being. She’s been burnt in the past, but is incredibly loyal once she opens up. If you’re with Megan, she’s showing you her inner child or the chip on her shoulder.
MARK is a train wreck that you can’t look away from. The definition of a bro, everything is backwards with him: his hat, his worldview, and his priorities. Mark simply wants to have a good time. He has no job but he balls with his mom’s money. He doesn’t have his shit together and he has no intention of changing that. The one thing Mark is successful at is talking to girls… well, he WAS, until John and Kyle became his roommates.
CANDICE is a hometown Hillary Clinton: her closet is filled with colorful pantsuits and the bodies of her enemies. With a brutal divorce in her past and a deadbeat son in her wallet, Candice is out for herself and she has no time to fuck around. She owns the apartment building that John, Kyle, Mark, and Megan live in, and if everything goes according to plan, she will own the whole town. Candice is very good at flipping the switch– one moment she’s smiling and running for local government, and the next she is delivering God’s wrath to those who stand in her way.
HOLLY CHANG – A kind, giving woman who helps out the community as member of the Town Council. Holly is a foil for Candice, and also the person she must suck up to in order to become Town Manager.
DIRK – Mark’s now-successful bro from high school. Dirk is who Mark WISHES he was— he has a high-paying job, a great girlfriend, and his mom lets him play music past 10pm on weeknights.
RACHEL – FINALLY someone Mark genuinely connects with (probably because she’s his female equivalent). The only thing lower than her standards are her ambitions. College is over but she kept partying.
SAM – The guy Megan’s been seeing. Representing the half of Megan that exists in the “real world,” Sam is just a normal, caring guy from work who gets caught up in all of this nonsense.
TOBY – John and Kyle’s adopted son with a rebellious streak. A troubled youth who is cool as shit. John and Kyle insist on calling him “John and Kyle Jr.”
Sneak Candy Into A Movie Theater
SNEAK CANDY INTO
A MOVIE THEATER
JOHN AND KYLE attempt to sneak candy into a movie theater, which quickly evolves into an Ocean’s 11-style heist. Meanwhile, Mark, jobless, and with his mother Candice on his case, opts to spend his day oh-so-generously helping the new girl Megan move in across the hall. Despite working at a hardware store, Megan likes to invent things, such as a Coldilocks (a microwave, but for cold).
When Megan accepts John and Kyle’s invite to join them at the movies, Mark reluctantly goes along in an attempt to turn the night into a romantic date with her. John and Kyle rope Candice into their plan as the driver, and their heist climaxes with the boys feasting on candy in the theater, Mark accidentally planting a smooch on his mother, and Megan starting to feel at home by joining in on John and Kyle’s future adventures.
Commit A Crime
COMMIT A CRIME
AFTER HEARING ABOUT the “Graffiti Bandito” terrorizing their town with inappropriate tags, John and Kyle decide that today they’re going to commit a crime: jaywalking. In doing so, Kyle drops his wallet. When a friendly cop swings by to return it, the boys are convinced they’ve been busted and demand that Megan help them evade the law. Meanwhile, Candice forces Mark to interview for jobs and post his resume all over town.
John and Kyle come to the conclusion that they can be pardoned if they “flip” on another criminal. After attempting to crack the case using Megan’s makeshift forensic inventions, Megan finds Mark’s resume next to one of the Graffiti Bandito’s tags. The boys turn Mark in to the cops, and Mark, having finally been offered a job, gets arrested. John and Kyle walk away as free men and cross this one off their List.
Get Their First Kiss
GET THEIR FIRST KISS
THE BOYS DECIDE its time to finally get their first kiss after hearing that Mark has a first date today. Over the course of the day, it becomes apparent that Mark’s every move is part of a tried-and-true plan to get laid— down to the scripted banter with the valet guy. Meanwhile, Candice gets ready to host Holly Chang, a member of the Town Council at the apartment complex in an attempt to be hired as Town Manager. She begs Megan to help fix a problem with the pipes because a plumber won’t show up in time.
John and Kyle eventually conclude that the best way to get a girl to kiss you is to “save the day”. But first, they have to create a catastrophic situation in front of a ton of people… which leads them to the same popular rooftop restaurant that Mark always ends with. This of course throws off his meticulous timing and ruins EVERYONE’S night at the restaurant. John and Kyle look deep into each others eyes and realize one way they can cross this one off their list (it’s them kissing!) They return home to find Holly leaving impressed, and Candice laughing with Megan. If only her child was as helpful.
Throw A Rager
THROW A RAGER
IN THE COLD OPEN, John and Kyle decide to “Throw a Rager” in their apartment. When we come back, it’s the next morning, and John and Kyle are waking up in a ditch. What follows is Memento-meets-The Hangover as John and Kyle find clues the morning after in an attempt to piece together the night before. Their first clue: “Find Mark” is signed on John’s tits. John and Kyle remember Megan’s evolution from a sheepish wallflower to a party animal responsible for getting them shitfaced. In fact, they got SO blackout drunk that they thought the girl Mark was hitting it off with was kidnapping him and they couldn’t even get off the couch to stop it.
As Mark makes breakfast for her the next morning, the girl we now know as Rachel thanks him for not rushing things. They joke around, and for the first time, we see Mark legitimately have a connection with someone. It is at this exact moment that Megan stumbles out of a closet and projectile vomits all over Rachel. John and Kyle stroll in and cross “Throw a Rager” off The List.
Hunt A Ghost
HUNT A GHOST
JOHN AND KYLE hear moaning coming from Megan’s apartment and decide to get to the bottom of this paranormal mystery by finding the ghost that is haunting their apartment complex. Turns out Megan has a shirtless guy named Sam over— and for some reason, neither of them want to help the boys find this ghost! Meanwhile, Mark’s successful friend from high school Dirk is visiting and Mark tries to convince him that he’s also successful and independent with a high paying job.
After John and Kyle check everywhere in the building, they decide the only way to free the spirit is to burn a ton of candles and do an exorcism in Megan’s apartment, which causes a fire. Everyone evacuates the building, and Dirk finds out Mark is a lil momma’s boy when Candice shows up and yells at him, John and Kyle. Sam storms off, butt naked because his clothes were destroyed in the fire. Megan confronts John and Kyle, drawing a line between their adventures and her adult life. This is the first time we see John and Kyle think about someone besides themselves. But the moaning stopped, so John and Kyle can cross this off their List.
Make A TV Show
MAKE A TV SHOW
WE OPEN ON the opening scene of the pilot, but something’s not quite right. It’s not John and Kyle… it’s two actors who look very much like John and Kyle. And there’s a laugh track. We find out that John and Kyle decided to “Make a TV Show,” and Megan is helping them do it. In the “show” (John and Kyle Try It All), Mark is bringing a girl home and he wants John and Kyle out of the house. In real life, Mark is actually bringing his girlfriend Rachel home, and he wants John and Kyle to stop filming an autobiographical sitcom in their apartment.
We see how John and Kyle see themselves and everyone around them, and the plots come to a head when Mark comes home during the scene where “Mark” comes home. Chaos erupts in the whole apartment complex, and Candice threatens to evict John and Kyle if they do one more stupid thing.
Raise A Child
RAISE A CHILD
HOLLY CHANG is stopping by and Candice is hoping that today is the day she’s offered Town Manager. She tells John and Kyle they can’t embarrass her in front of Chang and to act like adults. They decide that there is no better way to do that than by raising a child of their own and adopting a boy named Toby. Megan gets Mark an interview at the hardware store she works at, but regrets it when Mark becomes manager by being a total yes man to the boss.
John and Kyle’s disagreement on how to raise their child turns into the first big fight we’ve seen them have, and we realize they’re going through ALL the stages of a marriage when they divorce and attend counseling. Toby starts to rebel, and when they bring him to the hardware store, he steals spray paint and graffitis their whole apartment complex. This gets Mark fired and embarrasses Candice in front of Chang. John and Kyle, having reconciled, teach Toby that as an adult, you have to think about others, and drop him back off at the orphanage so he can raise his own son. Toby puts on a mask, revealing that he was the Graffiti Bandito the whole time!
JOHN AND KYLE walk into the apartment, preparing to cross off today’s List item that they just finished doing. Before we can find out it what it was, Candice storms in and forcibly evicts them because getting embarrassed in front of Chang was the last straw. Candice has one more chance to patch things up with Chang today, and she will do anything in her power to keep John and Kyle away. Mark, sick of John and Kyle preventing Rachel and him from having sex, finally finds something in common with his Mom. It turns into a war parody where its John and Kyle storming Candice and Mark’s castle (the apartment complex) in an attempt to just cross off today’s List item.
Holly arrives and prepares to give Candice the bad news, despite her sucking up. It’s at this point when a marching band arrives, leading into a choreographed community theater performance (to Candice’s horror). Meanwhile, Megan sneaks John and Kyle in, and saves the day by adapting her Coldilocks invention to be a ColdiLOCKS– freezing the door handle and making it possible to break in.
The boys walk into their apartment as Mark and Rachel walk out smiling in bathrobes, having fucked. We finally find out what John and Kyle did today as they cross it off: “Surprise Someone.” The community theater acts out a musical declaring Candice’s good qualities and apologizing for making her life hell. Holly is moved by this and offers Candice the Town Manager position. Megan, proud of her work, decides to quit her job to work on inventions full time. Everything seems to have worked out… until the marching band and theater company approach Candice asking for the thousands of dollars promised to them by John and Kyle.